


The Most Vengeful F#*%ing Slayer Ever

by vinniebatman



Series: Slayers that Never Were... Thank God. [4]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Invader Zim
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 06:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/949999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinniebatman/pseuds/vinniebatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dawn and Andrew go searching for a slayer.  A tiny, vengeful, terrifying slayer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Vengeful F#*%ing Slayer Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I hired a pack of ninjas to kidnap Joss and Jhonen Vasquez; they were threatened with hot poker torture, chainsaws, and an exorcism. I now own all. Thank you. *Doctor's Note: Patient exhibits delusions of grandeur and any claims of ownership are pure fantasy. No harm is meant. Seriously, it's better than her throwing rocks at people.

The first thing Dawn noticed as she and Andrew exited their rental car was that the city just seemed... off. There was no other way to describe it. It carried a vibe of cold indifference, ignorance, and darkness. Whereas Sunnydale had carried a vibe of darkness and ignorance, it also carried a forced happiness. This town didn't

The second thing Dawn noticed as she approached the school was a sign that said "Skool." The bell had just rung moments ago, so the school was deserted, save a young boy in a trench coat with glasses and a large head, and a young goth-girl with purple hair and squinting eyes. The young boy was gesticulating wildly as Dawn and Andrew approached.

"I can't believe it! His science project was he called 'an enslavement necklace for the pitiful human stink,' and no one noticed anything was wrong!" he screamed. The girl said nothing but focused on the hand held video game in her hands. Dawn looked down at the locket in her hand; it was shining a blue light, meaning they'd found the newest slayer.

"Get used to, kid. People don't see what they don't want to see," Dawn said, drawing the boy's attention.

"I believe it is a defensive reaction that people have as they can not deal with the horrible reality we face daily," Andrew added dramatically.

The boy's eyes widened. "You mean, you don't think I'm crazy? You're not going to mock me and then ignore my warnings?"

Dawn shrugged. "Not unless you start talking about purple hippos that are attempting to take over the president's brain. My name's Dawn and this is Andrew."

The boy smiled, his eyes wild. "I'm Dib, and this is my sister Gaz," he said. Behind them, the door opened and a young boy with black hair and green skin walked out. "And that, is Zim. He's an alien!"

Dawn and Andrew turned toward Zim.

"Have you the brain worms?! I am a human filth boy, no different than the rest," he squeaked in panic. Dawn raised an eyebrow as some sort of microphone sprouted out of his backpack. "Gir, come quickly! I have been discovered!"

"He's an alien?" Dawn asked.

Dib nodded enthusiastically while Zim froze in fear.

"This green-skinned, earless boy is an alien, and no one else noticed?" Andrew asked, equally fascinated and horrified.

Dib crowed triumphantly. "Yes! And now other's shall know!"

Dawn shook her head. "Wow, apparently Sunnydale Syndrome wasn't limited to Sunnydale."

Dib froze. "You're from Sunnydale? The center of all that is evil and dark?"

"Evil darkness? I must possess this evil darkness and add it to my plans for DOOOOM! Then I shall rule you all with an dark and evil fist! You will obey the fist!" Zim yelled. Dawn snorted.

"Good luck. Sunnydale collapsed into a sinkhole three years ago."

Suddenly, a green dog zipped into view. It's fur looked loose, like a costume, and had a zipper down its front.

"I'm here, where are the tacos?" it asked in a slightly mechanical voice.

"There are no tacos, Gir!" Zim yelled. The dog hung his head in sadness.

"Aww... I wanted tacos. And a moose," it mourned. Dawn felt her heart clench in pity.

"Here, I have some left over peanut butter quesadilla," she said, offering him the foil packet from her shoulder bag.

"Thank you. I... I love you," Gir squeaked before he unzipped his skin, revealing a small robot with light blue eyes... lights... things. It flipped the top of its head open and threw the entire packet in, then closed its head.

"Ohh... that was better than the bacon soap I made," it droned happily, zipping up its suit.

"Gir, cease speaking with our pathetic enemies! We must return to the home base!" Zim screeched. Gir snapped to attention, his eyes/lights suddenly red as he saluted Zim.

"Yes Master...," he said. Then his eyes turned blue again. "It's time for the 'Scary Monkey Show!'"

Gir suddenly started floating in the air, jet rockets firing from his feet. Zim jumped on top of him.

"Fly, Gir, Fly!"

As Zim sped away, Dib ran after the alien, screaming.

"You'll never get away with this! I'm watching you! I will haunt your every step!!"

Dawn and Andrew watched him go, then turned back to Gaz.

"So, Gaz. Mind if I ask you a few questions?" Dawn asked.

"Go away, I'm almost to the next level," Gaz growled, never looking up from her game.

"Uh, it's really important. It's about the dreams you've been having," Andrew offered.

"Go away."

"Look, in your dreams, you've been fighting monsters, and you're always a different person, but in every dream you're fighting," Dawn explained, her patience wearing thing.

"It's because you're a Slayer, a mystical warrior destined to fight the forces of evil," Andrew added in a whisper.

Gaz paused her game, then looked up at them. "I don't care. I know that I'm stronger and that I'm supposed to kill vampires. If they come after me, I will destroy them. Now go away," she intoned, starting her game again.

"But-," Andrew started. Gaz growled and paused her game again. She looked at them with wide eyes, anger, vengeance, hatred and slight madness lurking in their depths.

"I don't care," she ground out. "Now go away or else let it be known that vengeance will be mine. You will not know the meaning of peace, for I shall rain misery down upon your game-interrupting hearts!"

With that, Gaz's eyes returned to their normal squint and she walked away. Dawn and Andrew looked at each other in shock. Wordlessly the returned to the rental car. Andrew quickly started the car and headed for the freeway. Dawn pulled out her cellphone and dialed.

"Giles? Make a change to the city guide, and mark this one as 'weird, do not enter- EVER.'"


End file.
